A DEATH AND FUNERAL WITHOUT THE SYMPATHY A.K.A. DIVORCE

Divorce. You would not want to wish this process on your worst enemy. This week I had a very interesting discussion with a couple of women about divorce. It was very liberating. So today I would like to take the time and encourage anyone who has been through a divorce to keep your head up.

Divorce can often be referred to as an emotional and spiritual death and funeral without the sympathy.  I agree with this statement whole-heartedly!  The loss that is ultimately suffered feels as great as any physical loss to the person who is going through!  But unfortunately, ONLY to the person who is actually going through it! The world is still spinning to everyone else while their world has stopped revolving.  

The insensitivity of some individuals can be almost too much to bare.  However, here are several tips to try to help someone who is going through a divorce to make their life a little brighter:

1).  Don’t say highly inappropriate things!-Either you can help an individual or hinder them.   Before you open your mouth make sure support and encouragement are the only thing flying out of it.  Culturally ignorant opinions and other nonsense will usually set someone back. (Oohhhh just wait until you read, “The Purple Legacies” and listen to the blissfully ignorant things I was told.)

2).  Offer your hand in friendship, love and support.-Simply offering to take them out of the house by getting them out of the regular everyday mode is key to the beginning of the healing process.

3).  Treat people how you  want to be treated. -No explanation needed on this one!  Simply a biblical principle!

4).  When in doubt, say nothing at all.-Remember silence is golden. In the book of Job, even his friends sat idle next to him for seven days without saying one word.  Just their support was enough!

Encouraging people  through the process of a divorce instead of discouraging them is beneficial to your well-being also. Keep in mind that in life we know where we have been but know not where we are going!  Peace And Blessings Until Next Time!

With Love,

Danica 

NO SHADE

Hard times came, never asked anybody for one penny
And neither expected someone to really ever offer me any
Battered and bruised by life spinning into a frenzy of frequent nose dives
Moved, finally, flying high, my goals my dreams now coming alive
Book out, invited  on radio, tv and workshops for young women like me fighting self-esteem
Excited, getting dressed to look nice for my first interview, and we hear the telephone ring

Listening to you do what you have always done best, always trying to tear my spirit down
But my beautiful friend says baby don't worry there's always a critic who wants to clown!
No support no "I know you worked  hard for your dreams" could I get just a little bit of validation
Again all shade, the usual nothin' positive, not bothered no longer, no one even said congratulation
That night was so bad,  up, nose bleeds on my clothes, you made me yield so many unnecesary tears
Then I pulled myself together thinking wait you havent' read anything I wrote in the last seven years

I know love and life threw me some curved ball situations and walking in my shoes seemed  extremely dire
But  in 2014 and beyond, my motto "Only surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up higher!"
See I learned to like, love, embrace the wonderful, gifted person I am inside while going through
That just  means no longer do I need your approval to love me, cause you really don't have to boo
Well thank you for your time, I wish you all well. love you much and never want to see any of us in life losing
I'm on a mission from God encourage others, no shade, step one foot in front and keep Danica moving!

Peace and Blessings

YOUR PERSONAL OPINION; CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

Opinions are like ears . Everybody has them.  Unfortunately many people are unaware on how to utilize their personal opinion for good and not evil.  Giving your opinion in the proper way can be a welcomed insight to individuals who need it.  However, using your opinion in an abrasive, negative manner can alienate you as well as people from you.  Advice is only as good as the person giving it! Meaning before we can give advice, we should make sure we take our own advice into account.  Have you ever looked closely at the person who is always freely giving you their opinion on an issue in your life?  Usually their situation is in more disarray than yours.  Although somehow, they manage to have the answer to everything.

My favorite story of opinions gone wrong is seen in the book of Job in the Bible.  After Job lost everything in his life including his family, livestock, houses and health, his three friends felt it was their duty to consult with Job.  Their good intentions to mourn with him quickly turned into a free for all of unwarranted advice.  When I was a child I remember adults saying a phrase such as “The road to destruction is paved with good intentions!”   One thing I found very intriguing were Job’s friends staying with him for seven days and nights without saying a word.  It was the custom in those days not to speak until the person who was mourning spoke first.   However,  their advice was an array of an opinionated disaster when given.  They said such things as Job must have done something wrong to be in such a predicament.  They also went on to say Job deserved worse than what he was given!  WOW!!!  So I guess we all have people in our lives that will kick us when we are down!

However,  thank God for a friend like Elihu!  Elihu was the fourth friend and a young man full of wisdom and knowledge.  The reason he was filled with wisdom and knowledge is simply due to the fact he held his tongue.  He paid attention to what they were saying. Elihu also respected his elders and understood what God was doing.  He had better insight than Job and his friends because sometimes it is truly in the quietness of the conversation that we hear God clearly!  Elihu holding his tongue and listening gave Job a better insight.  Elihu already had a sense of what God was doing simply due to listening first and speaking last.  The story of Job ends by Job being totally restored and given more than what he had the first time.

As for myself,  I only give advice pertaining to the things I’ve been through.  Likewise,  in these times I only choose to take advice from non-angry and non-bitter individuals who use factually based information while giving me their opinion to make my most informed decisions.   Based on the story of Job,  I know that only 1 out of 5 people know  exactly what they are talking about when it comes to giving personal opinions.

Please continue to encourage each other instead of discouraging each other while utilizing our God-given wisdom so we ourselves much like Job will be blessed twice over beyond our wildest dreams!  Peace and Blessings until next time.

With Love,

Danica 

LIVING BY YOUR OWN “TERMS OF AGREEMENT" CONTRACT

In your everyday travels have you noticed recently, no matter what you either view online or purchase there is always a “Terms of Agreement” page to sign or check before proceeding.  This “Terms of Agreement” page is to notify the individual user or buyer of all the regulations in a contractual-obligation you will have to agree with in order to enjoy the benefits of a product.

As women, we are one of the most important “commodities” ever. I believe that we as individuals should have our very own “Terms of Agreement” clause when engaging in relationships with people in our everyday lives.  We should have regulations and standards for other individuals to deal with us on.  If one of these rules or “terms of agreements” are broken while in our presence, we should have no reservations dissolving any relationship with the person until our terms of agreement are met with zero compromises.

Today, basic individual respect for each other has wilted away in society. For women to maintain what we have left will take a personal “zero-tolerance” policy implemented in each individual consisting of her own values and morals.  What are your standards for dealing with individuals?  What are your term breakers?  What agreements are uncompromising to who you are and who you want to become as a woman?

 As for me I only have four basic terms and agreements;

1) Talk to me with respect. One disrespectful remark and all bets are off. First lesson learned in grade school is if you want respect you have to give it. We have all attended grade school at least!

2) Be positive.  Life is too short for negativity.  There is something positive in everyone. Find it!

3) Show love and receive love.  Tolerance and understanding is the basis of love.  The lack of love is what kills a person’s spirit.

4) No continual drama will be tolerated.  If I see that you love drama and can’t operate in anything else but drama itself…truly my term breaker!

As women, we have to remember that God did not put the word “WELCOME” on our foreheads. We were never to become a walking door mat. On the contrary, He stamped the word“WELCOME” in our hearts to love, nurture and heal those around us.   Peace and Blessings until next time!

With Love,

Danica

GOD’S PRETTY WOMAN (More Precious than Rubies)

                                                                             

My favorite story in the Bible is the story of the virtuous woman (Proverbs 31: 10-31).  This is a wonderful narrative account of how the ultimate woman should carry herself. The complete definition of what a woman is supposed to be lies within the words of this wonderful story. The main reason this story holds my heart and is my most desired story in the entire Bible is simply due to the fact of how the story begins in verse 10 with the sentences of, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”  Yes! That’s right ladies! At our best, we are more precious than rubies.  Even at our worst however, we are diamonds in the rough!

As you further engage yourself in this story, just the biblical resume of this woman’s description is overwhelmingly impressive.  She is described as a wife, mother entrepreneur, manager, vendor, fashion designer, philanthropist, and a mentor and beyond.  Basically, the virtuous woman’s life is a testament of her strength to maintain a constant overflow of blessing for her and her family as well as anyone else who encounters her very presence.

Unfortunately, this week on social media I witnessed a tremendous amount of women who have never read this story before or truly never understood it.  How do I know they probably never read the story before or really don’t understand their value is more precious than rubies?  Simply because of the way they viewed themselves as nothing but sexual objects. A display of unapologetic indecency for all to see was the agenda for most of these diamonds in the rough. If they have read this story and understand the wonderful meaning behind it, these diamonds would soon recognize that being a virtuous woman has nothing to do with outside beauty at all!  Becoming a virtuous woman starts from you desiring as a woman to build a lasting legacy that is based on more than outward appearances and greater than yourself.  Being God’s virtuous woman has everything to do with enhancing and blessing everything you touch for the greater good.  We as women are given the gift to leave things better than what we found them!

There was a simple reason why I did not tell the whole story of the virtuous woman verbatim.  I would like to implore my readers this day to read this life-changing story in Proverbs 31: 10-31.  I usually do not give homework, however, I challenge you to read this story.  I would love it if after reading this story it touches your life as it did mine so many years ago.  To make it even more relevant when you read it, I also challenge you to modernize it for your understanding.  Give it a personal touch!  When you read the word “she” as a woman insert your own name!  Feel free to post comments if you were enhanced in anyway by reading this wonderful story.

Wishing you peace and blessings for this week.  However as you go about your business this week ladies, keep in mind that favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised…………from my rubies to my diamonds!

With Love

Danica

LOVING THE NEXT MORE THAN THE EX

                                                                                      

Last night while on twitter talking about relationships, I replied to the prolific and wonderful Sophia Nelson’s tweets with a thought I was most recently enlightened to.  It is the unfortunate sentiments of some women after surviving a broken heart with the previous relationship to live by the motto of,” I will never love the next as hard as I love the ex!”  As for me, my motto is, “ I’m  going to love the next even greater than I ever loved the ex because I know and love myself now!”

After coming out of an abusive relationship and loving a person more than we loved ourselves, we know now what our limitations and boundaries consist of. We know now our capacity for loving but respecting ourselves in the process should not be viewed as a threat to the other individual. God did not create any of us to be a floor mat, but a loving and helpful compliment to one another.  We know we are worth more than gold and should be treated as such!  We know now that when someone keeps saying a relationship is fifty-fifty  it’s is a pure lie because this statement really means they only want to give fifty percent in the relationship .  A relationship is made up of each person giving one-hundred percent at all times! 

Basically, if we are not going to put our heart and soul into a relationship, it’s really not worth our time as well as the other individuals time and effort also.  Whether we are a woman or a man, we should all feel free to take a break in between relationships to re-evaluate where we are emotionally and psychologically before going into the next relationship.   Making the next person pay for the ignorance of the last is a pure sign that we are not ready to commit totally and continue on loves journey. 

Remember the race is not given to the swift but to the one that endures until the end.  Whether its life or love run this race with all of your might!

Peace and Blessings Until Next Time!

Love,

Danica

HOW NOT TO BECOME YOUR OWN CRITIC

                                                                     

                                                                   
Our negative critics are strategically placed before us  in life in everything we do.  Therefore the last thing they need is assistance by us when it comes to tearing ourselves down!  Critics are designed to kill our motivation.  They are designed to destroy our desire for life, therefore deterring us away from our destiny.

Problems arise when we join in along with our critics and put ourselves down also.  Every now and then, we program ourselves to buy into the negative ideas about our dreams, goals or even appearances at times.  We have been told by our critics we can't complete this or that for many reasons.  We have been programmed to believe that we are not smart enough to accomplish certain dreams and aspirations.  We have even been told  we are too big or too small to wear our favorite clothes.  Hearing negative feedback all the time for most of our lives can damper the light within ourselves.

In 2013  the solution is very simple. When you are trying to accomplish something positive, do not engage in  listening to any negative feedback whatsoever.  Know that you are wonderful no matter what your critics say.  Be very aware that God has equipped you and will continue to equip you with all you need to accomplish great things for not just the benefit of yourself, but the benefit of others as well.   Be humble, but always have confidence in your abilities.

I believe every woman this year should buy a beautiful, long  flowing chiffon dress, wear it twice a month while in the mirror spinning around and telling herself that she is, "Gone with the wind fabulous!"  While some critics may have laughed at Kenya Moore for doing exactly this on RHOA, the self-confident spirit those sentiments were done in should be all of our motto's as women for this year!  God designed us all wonderful and unique.  Women should not be afraid to walk in the blessings that we are given.  As for me, I am still looking for a chiffon dress to spin around in. The confidence that it takes to feel comfortable in who you are with the gifts that have been bestowed upon you should be all of our goals for 2013.  Women should be embracing ourselves with all of our flaws and failures working from the inside out,  thus putting our critics to rest.

Well as for me, I am off to the races.  I have a chiffon dress to look for!  I feel a spin coming on. (Smile!)

Peace and blessings until next time.
With Love,
Danica