THE STELLA EFFECT

                                                                         

                          If you are a woman, than you have only read or viewed the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”, no less than four million times.  However, I have actually, like so many other women, came across a moment of needing to get “my groove back” much like “Stella”.  

               Sometimes after suffering a loss, you often began to look for affirmation and happiness in other  individuals.  However, you are soon to realize that true happiness is not found in the affirmations of someone else but it is always found within yourself.  Was getting my “groove” back a nice distraction from the harsh realities of life?  Of course!(smile).  However,  like any other vice or drug of choice, the search for happiness presents only a temporary interference until you realize the core of your problem is still there!

               The time and energy that we put into  “getting our groove back”  to get us through a lonely or rough patch or two could be better spent on self-enhancement.  Go on a retreat, read a book, or even meditate on the fullness of Jesus! Take some time to learn what you want and need out of your future relationships.  Take some time to even discover your gifts and talents. I discovered I am a writing diva machine! Learn to love and embrace the person you are during a relationship hiatus.

                          I’m only relaying advice to you from my past experiences to save you well spent time and energy.  Looking to others for my completeness was well misguided.  I should have been looking toward myself and God all the while.  Today, I am so much stronger and wiser.  Living and learning to do better every single day is definitely what I am “grooving” to now! Peace and Blessings!

Love You Much

Danica

SURRENDERING ALL

           
                                                                                  

           My eldest son is quiet and reserved while my youngest son is a pistol.  He has his own ideas, plans and agendas he desires to accomplish.  Every now and then, we clash because his ideas plans and agenda are contrary to mine at times. Having two different agendas can create tension and confusion.  I recently came to the conclusion that God often feels the same way when we concoct our own program without his consent.

Recently viewing a movie called, “Surrendered-The Jay Harding Story”, all of the consequences of moving forward with his own agenda and not God’s came into play.   He was a very angry husband and father, frustrated with life and the pressures of it all. His family constantly tried to enlighten him with the idea they could care less about material things but instead desired his time and attention. Jay Harding’s failures soon overtook his professional and private life in many negative ways.  Jay and his wife separated. Their daughter had a tragic, horrific fall from the staircase.  Jay also defaulted on a loan and lost his business.   Everything in this man’s life went awry until he humbled  himself and prayed to God promising that he would surrender all.

Many of us can relate to having our own personal trials and tribulations. We should all let this story become a cautionary tale that we often need to surrender it all unto God.  This premise of letting go of our own agenda’s becomes much easier when we realize that everything we have is His to begin with anyway. Nothing have we gained by our own knowledge, strength, success or wisdom.  

In 2015 leave nothing on the table when it comes to God.  Receive everything that God has for you. He loves us so much that we will never comprehend it.  God wants to give us everything He has but only if we surrender it all unto him. Go get it!

 Peace and Blessings Loves!

UNMASKED: SALUTING VIOLA DAVIS

I love Viola Davis.  Several times in my life, people have commented on how I reminded them of her.  I usually get compared to Viola Davis or Michelle Obama. I am flattered either way!  My point is unfortunately with my schedule, I missed several episodes of her breakthrough show, “How To Get Away With Murder.” However, I did get a chance to view the very end of the most important, life-altering episode that will help to assist all minority women with embracing their natural beauty from this point forward.

While winding down from a busy day one evening, the only thing I desired to do was to zone-out on television.  Flopping down on my couch, I immediately reached for the remote and started flipping through the channels.  I stopped scanning the channels when I noticed Viola Davis’s character sitting in front of a mirror removing her wig and wiping off her lipstick as well as her eye-shadow.  When all was said and done, she was sitting in front of the mirror in her natural bare essence, while I was sitting on my couch in my natural utter amazement!

This moment of transparency spoke to my spirit within for several reasons.  I endured mental and emotional abuse for many years from my past relationship. Anything I tried to accomplish was never good enough.  I was told I had to act like or be someone else.  It was often stated by this individual, I was not allowed to cut my hair, wear certain clothing or even wear certain make-up. I even had a curfew while attending family functions!  All of these rules helped to bound up my spirit and took a toll on my soul.  As the individual on the receiving end of emotional and psychological abuse, you do all these things because you think you will keep peace.  However, you soon learn that when other people thrust their insecurities on you in the form of abuse, there is no peace to be kept. Therefore when Viola Davis bared all and presented her natural image to millions, she truly became my icon.

I used to despise the image I saw in the mirror while I was experiencing that unhealthy relationship.  However, several years and many prayers later, God has healed my unseen wounds.  Believe me when I say, “To God be the glory for He has done great things!” Now I say in jest, if anyone ever states to me, “She thinks she is all that!” I will reply, “Yes. But it took me almost 40 years to believe that!” So I have made it my life’s mission to make sure the process of embracing who you are for our younger women does not take 40 years for them to realize how beautifully unique they are.  It’s utterly ridiculous to walk around for years so messed up on the inside just because of what someone else wants you to be. I desire our young women to embrace who they are from the inside out and believe they are “All That” even in their natural beauty TODAY! So thank you from the bottom of my heart for that moment of vulnerability Viola Davis because you are truly “ALL THAT AND THEN SOME”.

A DEATH AND FUNERAL WITHOUT THE SYMPATHY A.K.A. DIVORCE

Divorce. You would not want to wish this process on your worst enemy. This week I had a very interesting discussion with a couple of women about divorce. It was very liberating. So today I would like to take the time and encourage anyone who has been through a divorce to keep your head up.

Divorce can often be referred to as an emotional and spiritual death and funeral without the sympathy.  I agree with this statement whole-heartedly!  The loss that is ultimately suffered feels as great as any physical loss to the person who is going through!  But unfortunately, ONLY to the person who is actually going through it! The world is still spinning to everyone else while their world has stopped revolving.  

The insensitivity of some individuals can be almost too much to bare.  However, here are several tips to try to help someone who is going through a divorce to make their life a little brighter:

1).  Don’t say highly inappropriate things!-Either you can help an individual or hinder them.   Before you open your mouth make sure support and encouragement are the only thing flying out of it.  Culturally ignorant opinions and other nonsense will usually set someone back. (Oohhhh just wait until you read, “The Purple Legacies” and listen to the blissfully ignorant things I was told.)

2).  Offer your hand in friendship, love and support.-Simply offering to take them out of the house by getting them out of the regular everyday mode is key to the beginning of the healing process.

3).  Treat people how you  want to be treated. -No explanation needed on this one!  Simply a biblical principle!

4).  When in doubt, say nothing at all.-Remember silence is golden. In the book of Job, even his friends sat idle next to him for seven days without saying one word.  Just their support was enough!

Encouraging people  through the process of a divorce instead of discouraging them is beneficial to your well-being also. Keep in mind that in life we know where we have been but know not where we are going!  Peace And Blessings Until Next Time!

With Love,

Danica 

NO SHADE

Hard times came, never asked anybody for one penny
And neither expected someone to really ever offer me any
Battered and bruised by life spinning into a frenzy of frequent nose dives
Moved, finally, flying high, my goals my dreams now coming alive
Book out, invited  on radio, tv and workshops for young women like me fighting self-esteem
Excited, getting dressed to look nice for my first interview, and we hear the telephone ring

Listening to you do what you have always done best, always trying to tear my spirit down
But my beautiful friend says baby don't worry there's always a critic who wants to clown!
No support no "I know you worked  hard for your dreams" could I get just a little bit of validation
Again all shade, the usual nothin' positive, not bothered no longer, no one even said congratulation
That night was so bad,  up, nose bleeds on my clothes, you made me yield so many unnecesary tears
Then I pulled myself together thinking wait you havent' read anything I wrote in the last seven years

I know love and life threw me some curved ball situations and walking in my shoes seemed  extremely dire
But  in 2014 and beyond, my motto "Only surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up higher!"
See I learned to like, love, embrace the wonderful, gifted person I am inside while going through
That just  means no longer do I need your approval to love me, cause you really don't have to boo
Well thank you for your time, I wish you all well. love you much and never want to see any of us in life losing
I'm on a mission from God encourage others, no shade, step one foot in front and keep Danica moving!

Peace and Blessings

YOUR PERSONAL OPINION; CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

Opinions are like ears . Everybody has them.  Unfortunately many people are unaware on how to utilize their personal opinion for good and not evil.  Giving your opinion in the proper way can be a welcomed insight to individuals who need it.  However, using your opinion in an abrasive, negative manner can alienate you as well as people from you.  Advice is only as good as the person giving it! Meaning before we can give advice, we should make sure we take our own advice into account.  Have you ever looked closely at the person who is always freely giving you their opinion on an issue in your life?  Usually their situation is in more disarray than yours.  Although somehow, they manage to have the answer to everything.

My favorite story of opinions gone wrong is seen in the book of Job in the Bible.  After Job lost everything in his life including his family, livestock, houses and health, his three friends felt it was their duty to consult with Job.  Their good intentions to mourn with him quickly turned into a free for all of unwarranted advice.  When I was a child I remember adults saying a phrase such as “The road to destruction is paved with good intentions!”   One thing I found very intriguing were Job’s friends staying with him for seven days and nights without saying a word.  It was the custom in those days not to speak until the person who was mourning spoke first.   However,  their advice was an array of an opinionated disaster when given.  They said such things as Job must have done something wrong to be in such a predicament.  They also went on to say Job deserved worse than what he was given!  WOW!!!  So I guess we all have people in our lives that will kick us when we are down!

However,  thank God for a friend like Elihu!  Elihu was the fourth friend and a young man full of wisdom and knowledge.  The reason he was filled with wisdom and knowledge is simply due to the fact he held his tongue.  He paid attention to what they were saying. Elihu also respected his elders and understood what God was doing.  He had better insight than Job and his friends because sometimes it is truly in the quietness of the conversation that we hear God clearly!  Elihu holding his tongue and listening gave Job a better insight.  Elihu already had a sense of what God was doing simply due to listening first and speaking last.  The story of Job ends by Job being totally restored and given more than what he had the first time.

As for myself,  I only give advice pertaining to the things I’ve been through.  Likewise,  in these times I only choose to take advice from non-angry and non-bitter individuals who use factually based information while giving me their opinion to make my most informed decisions.   Based on the story of Job,  I know that only 1 out of 5 people know  exactly what they are talking about when it comes to giving personal opinions.

Please continue to encourage each other instead of discouraging each other while utilizing our God-given wisdom so we ourselves much like Job will be blessed twice over beyond our wildest dreams!  Peace and Blessings until next time.

With Love,

Danica 

LIVING BY YOUR OWN “TERMS OF AGREEMENT" CONTRACT

In your everyday travels have you noticed recently, no matter what you either view online or purchase there is always a “Terms of Agreement” page to sign or check before proceeding.  This “Terms of Agreement” page is to notify the individual user or buyer of all the regulations in a contractual-obligation you will have to agree with in order to enjoy the benefits of a product.

As women, we are one of the most important “commodities” ever. I believe that we as individuals should have our very own “Terms of Agreement” clause when engaging in relationships with people in our everyday lives.  We should have regulations and standards for other individuals to deal with us on.  If one of these rules or “terms of agreements” are broken while in our presence, we should have no reservations dissolving any relationship with the person until our terms of agreement are met with zero compromises.

Today, basic individual respect for each other has wilted away in society. For women to maintain what we have left will take a personal “zero-tolerance” policy implemented in each individual consisting of her own values and morals.  What are your standards for dealing with individuals?  What are your term breakers?  What agreements are uncompromising to who you are and who you want to become as a woman?

 As for me I only have four basic terms and agreements;

1) Talk to me with respect. One disrespectful remark and all bets are off. First lesson learned in grade school is if you want respect you have to give it. We have all attended grade school at least!

2) Be positive.  Life is too short for negativity.  There is something positive in everyone. Find it!

3) Show love and receive love.  Tolerance and understanding is the basis of love.  The lack of love is what kills a person’s spirit.

4) No continual drama will be tolerated.  If I see that you love drama and can’t operate in anything else but drama itself…truly my term breaker!

As women, we have to remember that God did not put the word “WELCOME” on our foreheads. We were never to become a walking door mat. On the contrary, He stamped the word“WELCOME” in our hearts to love, nurture and heal those around us.   Peace and Blessings until next time!

With Love,

Danica