A DEATH AND FUNERAL WITHOUT THE SYMPATHY A.K.A. DIVORCE

Divorce. You would not want to wish this process on your worst enemy. This week I had a very interesting discussion with a couple of women about divorce. It was very liberating. So today I would like to take the time and encourage anyone who has been through a divorce to keep your head up.

Divorce can often be referred to as an emotional and spiritual death and funeral without the sympathy.  I agree with this statement whole-heartedly!  The loss that is ultimately suffered feels as great as any physical loss to the person who is going through!  But unfortunately, ONLY to the person who is actually going through it! The world is still spinning to everyone else while their world has stopped revolving.  

The insensitivity of some individuals can be almost too much to bare.  However, here are several tips to try to help someone who is going through a divorce to make their life a little brighter:

1).  Don’t say highly inappropriate things!-Either you can help an individual or hinder them.   Before you open your mouth make sure support and encouragement are the only thing flying out of it.  Culturally ignorant opinions and other nonsense will usually set someone back. (Oohhhh just wait until you read, “The Purple Legacies” and listen to the blissfully ignorant things I was told.)

2).  Offer your hand in friendship, love and support.-Simply offering to take them out of the house by getting them out of the regular everyday mode is key to the beginning of the healing process.

3).  Treat people how you  want to be treated. -No explanation needed on this one!  Simply a biblical principle!

4).  When in doubt, say nothing at all.-Remember silence is golden. In the book of Job, even his friends sat idle next to him for seven days without saying one word.  Just their support was enough!

Encouraging people  through the process of a divorce instead of discouraging them is beneficial to your well-being also. Keep in mind that in life we know where we have been but know not where we are going!  Peace And Blessings Until Next Time!

With Love,

Danica 

NO SHADE

Hard times came, never asked anybody for one penny
And neither expected someone to really ever offer me any
Battered and bruised by life spinning into a frenzy of frequent nose dives
Moved, finally, flying high, my goals my dreams now coming alive
Book out, invited  on radio, tv and workshops for young women like me fighting self-esteem
Excited, getting dressed to look nice for my first interview, and we hear the telephone ring

Listening to you do what you have always done best, always trying to tear my spirit down
But my beautiful friend says baby don't worry there's always a critic who wants to clown!
No support no "I know you worked  hard for your dreams" could I get just a little bit of validation
Again all shade, the usual nothin' positive, not bothered no longer, no one even said congratulation
That night was so bad,  up, nose bleeds on my clothes, you made me yield so many unnecesary tears
Then I pulled myself together thinking wait you havent' read anything I wrote in the last seven years

I know love and life threw me some curved ball situations and walking in my shoes seemed  extremely dire
But  in 2014 and beyond, my motto "Only surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up higher!"
See I learned to like, love, embrace the wonderful, gifted person I am inside while going through
That just  means no longer do I need your approval to love me, cause you really don't have to boo
Well thank you for your time, I wish you all well. love you much and never want to see any of us in life losing
I'm on a mission from God encourage others, no shade, step one foot in front and keep Danica moving!

Peace and Blessings

YOUR PERSONAL OPINION; CONSTRUCTIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE

Opinions are like ears . Everybody has them.  Unfortunately many people are unaware on how to utilize their personal opinion for good and not evil.  Giving your opinion in the proper way can be a welcomed insight to individuals who need it.  However, using your opinion in an abrasive, negative manner can alienate you as well as people from you.  Advice is only as good as the person giving it! Meaning before we can give advice, we should make sure we take our own advice into account.  Have you ever looked closely at the person who is always freely giving you their opinion on an issue in your life?  Usually their situation is in more disarray than yours.  Although somehow, they manage to have the answer to everything.

My favorite story of opinions gone wrong is seen in the book of Job in the Bible.  After Job lost everything in his life including his family, livestock, houses and health, his three friends felt it was their duty to consult with Job.  Their good intentions to mourn with him quickly turned into a free for all of unwarranted advice.  When I was a child I remember adults saying a phrase such as “The road to destruction is paved with good intentions!”   One thing I found very intriguing were Job’s friends staying with him for seven days and nights without saying a word.  It was the custom in those days not to speak until the person who was mourning spoke first.   However,  their advice was an array of an opinionated disaster when given.  They said such things as Job must have done something wrong to be in such a predicament.  They also went on to say Job deserved worse than what he was given!  WOW!!!  So I guess we all have people in our lives that will kick us when we are down!

However,  thank God for a friend like Elihu!  Elihu was the fourth friend and a young man full of wisdom and knowledge.  The reason he was filled with wisdom and knowledge is simply due to the fact he held his tongue.  He paid attention to what they were saying. Elihu also respected his elders and understood what God was doing.  He had better insight than Job and his friends because sometimes it is truly in the quietness of the conversation that we hear God clearly!  Elihu holding his tongue and listening gave Job a better insight.  Elihu already had a sense of what God was doing simply due to listening first and speaking last.  The story of Job ends by Job being totally restored and given more than what he had the first time.

As for myself,  I only give advice pertaining to the things I’ve been through.  Likewise,  in these times I only choose to take advice from non-angry and non-bitter individuals who use factually based information while giving me their opinion to make my most informed decisions.   Based on the story of Job,  I know that only 1 out of 5 people know  exactly what they are talking about when it comes to giving personal opinions.

Please continue to encourage each other instead of discouraging each other while utilizing our God-given wisdom so we ourselves much like Job will be blessed twice over beyond our wildest dreams!  Peace and Blessings until next time.

With Love,

Danica 

LIVING BY YOUR OWN “TERMS OF AGREEMENT" CONTRACT

In your everyday travels have you noticed recently, no matter what you either view online or purchase there is always a “Terms of Agreement” page to sign or check before proceeding.  This “Terms of Agreement” page is to notify the individual user or buyer of all the regulations in a contractual-obligation you will have to agree with in order to enjoy the benefits of a product.

As women, we are one of the most important “commodities” ever. I believe that we as individuals should have our very own “Terms of Agreement” clause when engaging in relationships with people in our everyday lives.  We should have regulations and standards for other individuals to deal with us on.  If one of these rules or “terms of agreements” are broken while in our presence, we should have no reservations dissolving any relationship with the person until our terms of agreement are met with zero compromises.

Today, basic individual respect for each other has wilted away in society. For women to maintain what we have left will take a personal “zero-tolerance” policy implemented in each individual consisting of her own values and morals.  What are your standards for dealing with individuals?  What are your term breakers?  What agreements are uncompromising to who you are and who you want to become as a woman?

 As for me I only have four basic terms and agreements;

1) Talk to me with respect. One disrespectful remark and all bets are off. First lesson learned in grade school is if you want respect you have to give it. We have all attended grade school at least!

2) Be positive.  Life is too short for negativity.  There is something positive in everyone. Find it!

3) Show love and receive love.  Tolerance and understanding is the basis of love.  The lack of love is what kills a person’s spirit.

4) No continual drama will be tolerated.  If I see that you love drama and can’t operate in anything else but drama itself…truly my term breaker!

As women, we have to remember that God did not put the word “WELCOME” on our foreheads. We were never to become a walking door mat. On the contrary, He stamped the word“WELCOME” in our hearts to love, nurture and heal those around us.   Peace and Blessings until next time!

With Love,

Danica

GOD’S PRETTY WOMAN (More Precious than Rubies)

                                                                             

My favorite story in the Bible is the story of the virtuous woman (Proverbs 31: 10-31).  This is a wonderful narrative account of how the ultimate woman should carry herself. The complete definition of what a woman is supposed to be lies within the words of this wonderful story. The main reason this story holds my heart and is my most desired story in the entire Bible is simply due to the fact of how the story begins in verse 10 with the sentences of, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”  Yes! That’s right ladies! At our best, we are more precious than rubies.  Even at our worst however, we are diamonds in the rough!

As you further engage yourself in this story, just the biblical resume of this woman’s description is overwhelmingly impressive.  She is described as a wife, mother entrepreneur, manager, vendor, fashion designer, philanthropist, and a mentor and beyond.  Basically, the virtuous woman’s life is a testament of her strength to maintain a constant overflow of blessing for her and her family as well as anyone else who encounters her very presence.

Unfortunately, this week on social media I witnessed a tremendous amount of women who have never read this story before or truly never understood it.  How do I know they probably never read the story before or really don’t understand their value is more precious than rubies?  Simply because of the way they viewed themselves as nothing but sexual objects. A display of unapologetic indecency for all to see was the agenda for most of these diamonds in the rough. If they have read this story and understand the wonderful meaning behind it, these diamonds would soon recognize that being a virtuous woman has nothing to do with outside beauty at all!  Becoming a virtuous woman starts from you desiring as a woman to build a lasting legacy that is based on more than outward appearances and greater than yourself.  Being God’s virtuous woman has everything to do with enhancing and blessing everything you touch for the greater good.  We as women are given the gift to leave things better than what we found them!

There was a simple reason why I did not tell the whole story of the virtuous woman verbatim.  I would like to implore my readers this day to read this life-changing story in Proverbs 31: 10-31.  I usually do not give homework, however, I challenge you to read this story.  I would love it if after reading this story it touches your life as it did mine so many years ago.  To make it even more relevant when you read it, I also challenge you to modernize it for your understanding.  Give it a personal touch!  When you read the word “she” as a woman insert your own name!  Feel free to post comments if you were enhanced in anyway by reading this wonderful story.

Wishing you peace and blessings for this week.  However as you go about your business this week ladies, keep in mind that favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised…………from my rubies to my diamonds!

With Love

Danica

LOVING THE NEXT MORE THAN THE EX

                                                                                      

Last night while on twitter talking about relationships, I replied to the prolific and wonderful Sophia Nelson’s tweets with a thought I was most recently enlightened to.  It is the unfortunate sentiments of some women after surviving a broken heart with the previous relationship to live by the motto of,” I will never love the next as hard as I love the ex!”  As for me, my motto is, “ I’m  going to love the next even greater than I ever loved the ex because I know and love myself now!”

After coming out of an abusive relationship and loving a person more than we loved ourselves, we know now what our limitations and boundaries consist of. We know now our capacity for loving but respecting ourselves in the process should not be viewed as a threat to the other individual. God did not create any of us to be a floor mat, but a loving and helpful compliment to one another.  We know we are worth more than gold and should be treated as such!  We know now that when someone keeps saying a relationship is fifty-fifty  it’s is a pure lie because this statement really means they only want to give fifty percent in the relationship .  A relationship is made up of each person giving one-hundred percent at all times! 

Basically, if we are not going to put our heart and soul into a relationship, it’s really not worth our time as well as the other individuals time and effort also.  Whether we are a woman or a man, we should all feel free to take a break in between relationships to re-evaluate where we are emotionally and psychologically before going into the next relationship.   Making the next person pay for the ignorance of the last is a pure sign that we are not ready to commit totally and continue on loves journey. 

Remember the race is not given to the swift but to the one that endures until the end.  Whether its life or love run this race with all of your might!

Peace and Blessings Until Next Time!

Love,

Danica

HOW NOT TO BECOME YOUR OWN CRITIC

                                                                     

                                                                   
Our negative critics are strategically placed before us  in life in everything we do.  Therefore the last thing they need is assistance by us when it comes to tearing ourselves down!  Critics are designed to kill our motivation.  They are designed to destroy our desire for life, therefore deterring us away from our destiny.

Problems arise when we join in along with our critics and put ourselves down also.  Every now and then, we program ourselves to buy into the negative ideas about our dreams, goals or even appearances at times.  We have been told by our critics we can't complete this or that for many reasons.  We have been programmed to believe that we are not smart enough to accomplish certain dreams and aspirations.  We have even been told  we are too big or too small to wear our favorite clothes.  Hearing negative feedback all the time for most of our lives can damper the light within ourselves.

In 2013  the solution is very simple. When you are trying to accomplish something positive, do not engage in  listening to any negative feedback whatsoever.  Know that you are wonderful no matter what your critics say.  Be very aware that God has equipped you and will continue to equip you with all you need to accomplish great things for not just the benefit of yourself, but the benefit of others as well.   Be humble, but always have confidence in your abilities.

I believe every woman this year should buy a beautiful, long  flowing chiffon dress, wear it twice a month while in the mirror spinning around and telling herself that she is, "Gone with the wind fabulous!"  While some critics may have laughed at Kenya Moore for doing exactly this on RHOA, the self-confident spirit those sentiments were done in should be all of our motto's as women for this year!  God designed us all wonderful and unique.  Women should not be afraid to walk in the blessings that we are given.  As for me, I am still looking for a chiffon dress to spin around in. The confidence that it takes to feel comfortable in who you are with the gifts that have been bestowed upon you should be all of our goals for 2013.  Women should be embracing ourselves with all of our flaws and failures working from the inside out,  thus putting our critics to rest.

Well as for me, I am off to the races.  I have a chiffon dress to look for!  I feel a spin coming on. (Smile!)

Peace and blessings until next time.
With Love,
Danica

ATLANTA HERE WE COME

                                                                       



Moving can be exciting, but yet scary.   As for me I am taking the leap and finally making the move I always desired to make.  Atlanta here I come! I am very excited, extremely overjoyed and a little scared at the same time.  For some reason, my heart has always been in Atlanta.  I can't recall when I knew Atlanta is where I needed to live, however for many years something inside was always pulling me there! We visited Marietta for the very first time last spring. It was beautiful. My children fell in love with it as did I. When we traveled into the city of Atlanta itself, it was evident this was our destiny.   I believe the pure rich heritage and culture just speaks to your spirit.  The essence of the city literally fills your being.

Who cares if it took a full  year for us to make that move! Usually coming to terms with the destiny God has for you always takes a little longer because we as humans are always looking for confirmation.  How does confirmation come you ask? When the very last door closes where you are and other doors are opening up where you need to be this is simply your greatest confirmation.  Learning what we need and what is desired for us usually happens in God's time not ours!  Embrace what is new and exciting and designed to continue to thrust you into the purpose God has ordained for you within.

So with that being said,  I am now recruiting my readers to leave comments on what you love about Atlanta. Please tell me the best points of the city and surrounding area! I am looking for the best restaurants, schools and of course poetry slams!  Please let's show Atlanta some love!!!

Peace and Blessings Until Next Time

With Love

Danica 

Author and Poet Danica Michelle Hobbs on Conversations LIVE 02/27 by middayconversations | Blog Talk Radio

Author and Poet Danica Michelle Hobbs on Conversations LIVE 02/27 by middayconversations | Blog Talk Radio

VALIDATION OF PURPOSE

                                                                       



Purpose.  God designed it for everyone to have daily.  Each day we live we are to operate fully in it.  However, finding your purpose is something that many people struggle with especially for women.  Since we were given the gift to be natural nurturers, we can often lose ourselves in what others would like us to become.  We often masks who we are to please those we love the most.  If there is any chance of stepping out of the status quo to become fully operational in our purpose, it is at times met with indifference and strife. This often results in women retreating and never living in our purpose. However, we need only to be responsible to the one who purposed us.......God.

 I recently came across an article in the Global Grind of a few women who were  disrespecting themselves at a recent annual, highly-publicized sporting event. It was stated these women disrespected themselves in many ways.  When I heard this story, my heart was so heavy.  Judging not these women's behavior, I just simply believe these women have not stepped into their purpose yet. I pray it will be revealed to them soon. Women who do not know their purpose can be dangerous to themselves more than anyone else.  However, women who have came into the knowledge of their purpose are dangerous (in a positive manner) to their families, communities and everyone around them!

One of my favorite biblical stories is that of the women at the well. Jesus and his disciples were traveling  and stopped in Samaria.  The disciples traveled on a half-mile further to buy food. However, Jesus stayed back at the well .  It was the hottest time of the day. Soon a Samaritan woman came by to gather water.  He then asked for her to draw him a drink from the well. Jesus gave her a run-down of her life's events.  He informed her how many husbands she had.  Jesus then continued on telling her that even the husband she is with now, is not her own!  He then informed her that if she follows him she could drink living water and never have to thirst again. After giving him a drink, she quickly ran off to tell others of her encounter with Jesus.  This women discovered her purpose.

Most of us women will have a "well experience". Usually for any of us to discover our purpose, especially as women,  it takes a life-altering situation. This is my story exactly. Like the woman at the well, we all need someone to speak life into us. They often reveal to us what we can be purposed to do. Unfortunately, the valley of our pain and hurt will help usher our purpose in faster than anything else. Truly, would most of us even listen any other way?

In 2013 the race is on! Finding your purpose whether it be to become a magnificent mother, or a dynamic daughter is first priority. So many people nowadays are counting on us to become what we need to become. I mean most women are almost perfect anyway,  we just need a little bit of tweaking here and there! (Smile)

Peace and Blessings!
With Love
Danica


                 

LIPS, HIPS AND FINGERTIPS

                                                                   

As I stand here today just a little bit concerned

About the only lesson by some of our young ladies learned

How to "drop it low" and "dip"

And only worry about their hips, lips and fingertips

Whatever happened to caring for a woman's complete mind, spirit and body as a whole

Unfortunately for a Coach and Prada bag some women have sold their souls

Women you are the intelligent and beautiful mothers and daughters of the earth

God ordained us to know our worth

Will the real women please take a stand

Grab a young girl by the hand, tell these young ladies

Over two-hundred dollar jeans please don't "trip"

Because your destiny is more than your hips, lips and fingertips

                                                                           

FORGIVE THEM (poem)

                                                                   



Forgive them for the times they made u cry
Or lied, or was never by your side
Forgive them for the times they ducked and dived
and conjured up many a sinful lies
Forgive them for promises made
That they would be the one you want to save
You from all the hurt and pain
This loves journey can be sometimes insane but
4 U forgive them
4 U forgive them
4 U forgive them
Then forget them 4 U!


The average person can learn invaluable life lessons everyday that is vital to their growth and development as a human being.  The most important lesson that any of us will learn be it man, woman or child is the act of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is definitely not designed  for the other person in the situation, but it was designed to bless you instead.   It helps to release all hurt, harm, resentment and anger.  For those qualities are much to burdensome for us to carry as human beings!  Please if you can forgive someone for the hurt or pain caused for a happening thirty years ago...do it...... TODAY!

Peace and Blessings Until Next Time
With Love
Danica

FROM THE INSIDE OUT

                                                                                   

Question. Could our outward so-called "image" become the one aspect of our lives holding us back, especially for younger women?  I pray it's not. However, in my travels, I became more aware that we may have unknowing raised a whole generation of beautiful  young girls and women whose central belief is completely based on outward appearances only. SHAME ON US! The most beautiful people I have ever met, had the most beautiful hearts and spirits first and foremost.

I recently viewed a group of young women whom had their hair all dolled-up. Even their faces were flawlessly made-up as they were barely balancing themselves walking in the latest pair of Jimmy Choo Shoes.   America's Next Top Model contestant's did not have anything on these young women!  Unfortunately, the words that proceeded out of these young ladies mouths and the behavior that ensued afterwards did not compliment them very well.

No matter what, I believe these young women are our unlearned beloved daughters.  They just simply are the product of what society have made them to become.  They were taught that outward appearances is more important than values and character. Their mixed-up morals is the sum of what society has inundated a culture with because of unrealistic images of women. These young women are truly our issue to correct and nurture.   

Solutions to this problem can be very simple. I believe we can actively take a young woman under each of our wings and nurture her. We can help build up her self-esteem and tell her that she is worth more than the jeans or shoes she flaunts.  If we let them know that beauty truly exudes itself from within, everything else will fall into place. We should simply tell these young women that anything we want to buy as a consumer is always quality vs the quantity. Meaning what's on the outside should just be an addition to the major component of the inside. This is the main reason you never see a beautifully decorated birthday cake served on a trash can top! Bon Appetit anyone? Oh yeah, who wants some?  No one! My point exactly!

Peace and Blessings Until Next Time
With Love
Danica

TAKE THE "S" OFF MY CHEST

                                                                               

Ladies in 2013, please disregard "Superwoman Syndrome" as a thing of the past.   As for me when it comes to "Superwoman Syndrome" I am retired with benefits.  The benefits of knowing as a woman we do not have to do everything perfectly, just what is most important and what is most fulfilling for ourselves and families. Making reference to my 2009 post Superwoman vs Virtuous Woman, I just would like to re-iterate once again,  "ladies feel free to take the "S" off of your chest."  Simply meaning in 2013, know the difference between fulfilling the tasks that you have to do, compared to the tasks that you want to do. We as women recognize that we must leave room for the small insignificant moments in life.  Fully appreciating the small everyday things that we can often take for granted while trying to be Superwoman.

Have you notice we live in a world of every convenience possible. Yet and still, we are now more busy than ever before.  The lesson learned in this is the more we strive to become everything blue-printed for us to become as women, the more we sacrifice something else all the more important.  I am just saying that we as women are more than enough!   Continuously running from one task to another just to live up to this mythical image that completing everything on our daily "to-do list" as part of our womanhood is a complete lie. Simply completing what you do best is good enough!  Recruit help for all the other minute tasks.  Never be too proud to ask for assistance.

For example, yesterday I had to cook a full course meal, work, clean, wash an entire week's worth of dirty clothes and take care of a recovering flu-sick child while trying to update my blog.  As I looked around at this impending day of constant running, I became easily overwhelmed.  While closing my eyes to take several deep breaths, only then did it all become clear to me. I soon threatened my sixteen year old to clean-up, while  recruiting my "honey-do" to fry the tilapia we were having for dinner, while I simply concentrated on the sides.  With the spare time, I took care of the flu-ridden ten year old and finally started to update my blog for the week. Your whole entire family can be recruited to help with everyday tasks.

"Superwoman Syndrome" is fully alive and well in our society.  However, to keep your everyday sanity, always feel free to take the "S" off of your chest to be ever present for yourself as well as your loved ones. Until next time.  Peace and Blessings!

With Love
Danica

                                                                           

WHEN HE TOLD ME.....................

                                                                         

                                                                           

                                    

WHEN HE TOLD ME  “YOU ARE PERFECT DON’T CHANGE A  SINGLE THING”

BEING HUMBLED NOT TO LET IT GO TO MY HEAD,

I REMEMBERED IN  ALL THE TOO DISTANT PAST,

THOSE LOVELY WORDS WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN SAID.

WHEN HE TOLD ME,  “ PLEASE,  JUST  STAY THE  SAME WAY YOU ARE”

 I CAUTIOUSLY SMILED ,  SIGHED AND  LOOKED THE OTHER  WAY,

REPLAYING SCENES  OF LOVE  GONE WRONG,

SAYING TO MYSELF THIS MAN HAS NOTHING BETTER TO SAY.

ALL OF A SUDDEN,  RECALLING  GRANDMA’S LESSONS LEARNED  

TO  ALWAYS  BE MINDFUL  AS A LADY AND  LIVE ON A HIGH HILL

SHE OFTEN INSTRUCTED US WISELY

WHAT ONE PERSON WON’T DO, ANOTHER  SURELY WILL!

-Danica

BETA BLOCKERS (poem)

I would like to share my poem entitled, “ Beta Blockers”.   Anyone with high blood pressure is supposed to take a Beta Blocker.  However, this poem is definitely not about high blood pressure! Please enjoy!

BETA BLOCKERS ARE PRESCRIBED BY DOCTORS

TWENTY-FIVE, FIFTY, SEVENTY-FIVE MILLIGRAMS WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE

WELL TONIGHT,  I PLAN ON TAKING 205

THEN MAYBE, JUST MAYBE  IT COULD 

BLOCK THE PAIN

I SAW HER AND HIM IN HIS CAR

AND THEN

 BLOCK THE SHAME

I USED TO BE THAT MAN’S NUMBER ONE STAR

AND THEN BLOCK THE LOSS

I LOST EVERYTHING I OWNED

AND THEN BLOCK THE COST

MY CAR, MY JOB, MY HOUSE, MY HOME

IN MY CASKET NO TRADITIONAL WHITE DOVE

BECAUSE  THE DRUG THAT I OVERDOSED ON IS A DRUG CALLED LOVE

I WILL FALL DEEP INTO A SLEEP AND I WILL FEEL THIS PAIN NO MORE

BETA BLOCKERS IN MY HAND HERE I GO BUT WAIT

I HEAR A KNOCK AT MY BEDROOM DOOR

TWO BEAUTIFUL ,  HANDSOME  YOUNG MEN SAYING “ MOMMY WE HEARD YOU CRYING ARE YOU OKAY?”

DANG, I JUST REALIZED FOR THEM I HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH THIS HELL CALLED LIFE TO FACE IT FOR JUST ANOTHER DAY

BETA BLOCKERS

-Danica 

If you truly desire to be effective in anything you accomplish in life,  being transparent is the only way to become relatable to individuals.  I wrote this poem a couple days after the day I was going   to commit suicide some years back.  I often inform my readers to “keep it moving!” This phrase is not just a mere cliche for me, but it was exactly what got me through the toughest time in my life.  

When we realize that life has  its season and we are to learn from that season and move to the next for ourselves as well as others, nothing is impossible to get through.  I often think of the many people who never made it to the next season!  The only reason was just simply because they never knew the secret  to their season.  Certainly I learned the only true secret for overcoming through a fall or winter season  is time and God! Love you much and keep it moving until next time.

Danica

WOMB-MAN

                                                                   


Women are very unique creatures with even more unique hurts and pains. God ordained us to be so special that when we were created, we were manifested from just a man's rib!  In my opinion, this simply tells me that a man is not fully complete without the essence of a woman by his side!(Smile fellas-just joking!)

Seriously, this one extraordinary fact tells me that until women as individuals are whole within ourselves, we will never be able to fully help, assist or stand by anyone, whether it be for our family, friends, children or our mate. I truly am encouraging my ladies in order to be fulfilled this year, do something that you have never done before.  When you feel life's slumps coming on, take a trip to an exotic place or just get out of your city limits for a weekend.  Volunteer to do community service.  Take one whole entire paycheck and spend it on your children, yourself or someone else. Invest in a months worth of Zumba classes. Go to an open mic session for the first time and channel your inner Beyonce! Smile at someone when they make you more mad than you have ever been before! Limit all pity-parties this year to the length of Mary J. Blige "Share My World" album (16 tracks is enough time) once every two weeks. Afterwards,  get up and find a reasonable solution to the problem at hand. Above all, fall down to  pray and meditate daily, giving God praise for blessing you with life for just another day! Do whatever it takes ladies to keep moving forward at all times. Love you all and please keep pursuing happiness for yourself in 2013! You are more important and valuable than you will ever know. Ask me how I know?

Peace and Blessings
With Love

Danica

"AT LEAST HE DIDN'T HIT ME" (a poem about emotional abuse)

When I look into the mirror, I have no scars so all I can say is,  "at least he didn't hit me."

Up all and every night arguing because I'm being accused of things I just don't do.

When I look in the mirror in the mornings I say to myself, "at least he didn't hit me."

Having a curfew for Holiday dinners with my family, coming back 15 minutes late and so the fights began holiday evenings.

And when I looked in the mirror in those evenings I say to myself, "at least he didn't hit me."

Lying in bed with tears in my eyes for the extreme lies told again and again saying to myself once again 

"At least he didn't hit me."

Fooling myself when unclaimed children were discovered or years of in the closet substance abuse issues and the hidden open empty bottles found a million times over

Now, numb, walking to the mirror saying at least................. but wait......................

When I looked in the mirror this time and saw Her, all I saw was scars all over Her

Scars that went deep into the soul

Black and blue marks that cut into the spirit

Scratches, Scrapes and puncture wounds right into the heart.

The ugliest sight I had ever seen and he never even laid a hand on me.

So thank you for never hitting me!

This is my poem that will be in my next book due to print in 90 days, "The Purple Legacies". As hard as it was to write and read it, it was that much harder to live it!  Therefore, this is the main reason I write and encourage women through my writings. You see this used to be my story, however if I keep encouraging women it does not have to be their story!For there is no journey of pain without purpose following! Keep it moving ladies! There is a brighter day ahead! Always!

With Love

Danica

                                                                       

One Life Altering Incident "Nella Syndrome"

                                                                              

As I was going through one of the most trying times in my life a couple years of ago, I met a wonderful thespian who invited me to tryout for one of her plays.  Her name was Carla.  She was an acting legend in our community.  Carla was a wonderful actress in her own right.  She was assigned the chore of producing a local play specifically for African-Americans called "Gee's Bend". I was appointed to play Nella Pettway, a women whose life was changed by just one single incident as a young girl.  She informed me to put all of my energy in this character and I did.

Nella's character was a little comical.  As the story progressed however over a 60 year period, you find out  the one "incident" that affected Nella's life negatively in her monologue that was recalled when she was about 80.  While Nella and her sister were just young girls, a nice man befriended the family and helped them refurbish their house, and livestock.  However, he died and his widow decided to come across the river and repossess everything from their property!  Men came in trucks and took all the belongings back from Nella and her family.  When it came to the pigs that was given to the family,  the mother instructed Nella to go outside and slaughter the pigs before the men could take them away also!

You see Nella never married because of this one incident. She never had any children, and she lived with her mother for most of her life.  The audience itself did not know why until she recalled this experience when she was about seventy-ish.  The character "Alice" who played her mother softened her grip on "Nella" because of that one incident. Nella came out of that barn covered in pigs blood after her mother instructed her to slaughter the pigs.  Well the whole entire town saw this women dripping from head to toe in pigs blood! No one wanted to date, marry or love this women because of this one incident. The guilt that Nella and her mother felt simply because of this one bad choice affected their lives for the worse.

I primarily told you the story about my character in the play "Gees Bend" to encourage any man, woman, or child that no matter the one life-altering situation that changed the course of your whole life, basically just let it go!! Never let the "Nella Syndrome" or one instance define your life for the rest of your life. That is way too heavy of a burden to carry.  Know that when you are knocked down, never stay there.  I encourage you to always fight and get back up again and keep it moving!!!As for Carla, that play was one of the most successful African-American play's ever done at the playhouse.  I believe so many people could relate to it, making it very relevant for everyone.

 I am continuing to encourage each and everyone of you to make this the best year of your life!!!

Peace and Blessings
With Love
Danica

                                                                           

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY!!!

                                                                         

                                                                   


I am embarking on the journey of a lifetime.  Book tours, interviews, poetry workshops and readings has been my weekly itinerary.    I am so very excited for this time in my life.  I just want to encourage others also to follow your dreams in 2013.  Surround yourself with only positive, inspiring individuals who support you and your endeavors. Help others to then reach their dreams and goals after you have accomplished yours.  Pass the blessings on.  Although more than anything else for 2013,  more than anything at all, just be happy! Be happy for others, be happy for yourself as well.  There are so many things in this world to get us down everyday however Philippians 4:8 explains how to overcome this.  It simply says:

Philippians 4:8

King James Version (KJV)

⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

SIMPLY BE HAPPY!!!
Peace and Blessings until next time!!
Love Always Danica

MARDI GRAS MADNESS

A short history on Mardi Gras is as follows:   Rome converted to Christianity. The Churches founders then came to the conclusion to continue to instill certain aspects of Roman traditions. This time of celebration before leading up to the Lenten season, which Christians adhere as one of the most Holiest times of the year was filled with revelry and fun.  

Well as for me, I was so excited to partake in my first Mardi Gras Ball.  After fifty dollar tickets and a thirty-four dollar dress from Overstock.com, as well as a seventeen dollar pair of shoes to go along with the twelve dollar hair and five dollar necklace set I was so pumped! (I know.... I'm a cheap date!)

I had a wonderful time. Truly this ball was all it was cracked up to be.  Everyone should experience a Mardi Gras ball.  I did the "wobble" until I could not "wobble" anymore! All of the women attendees were beautifully decked out in gowns and evening dresses.  All of the male attendees were handsomely dressed.  

However, the one thing I loved about the entire experience, was the diversity.  White, Black, Indian, Asian.  It was such a beautiful sight. Goes to show that embracing each other in fun and love is very much possible! Well since I am recuperating from last night, this is a short blog!!! I will make it up to you soon!!!Peace and Blessings!!!

                                                                           

My Gift: Always A Blessing Never A Curse

Using a non-didactic, narrative anecdotal, hyperbole style with multiple characterizations for my protagonist and antagonist is how best to describe my first book of short stories entitled, “The Yellow Legacies”.  Now if you did not understand my first sentence, you are probably not a writer and that’s okay too! (You’re cute so you will always have a job!)

However, I’ll explain everything and then some.  The word non-didactic means not informative.  The phrase narrative anecdotal means a narrated piece of work with a short and amusing or interesting story about a real incident or person.  The word hyperbole means giving the character exaggerated traits.  The word characterization is giving the reader a background on your character. The word protagonist is the main character of the story.  The word antagonist is the person who goes against the system in one’s story. So when I wrote "The Yellow Legacies" while researching different writing styles these are the ones I chose.  I was also able to characterize individuals and add traits. However, on some characters I took away traits. I also made-up some backgrounds and made-up all dialogue..  Because these were characters loosely based on individuals, I had that option as a first-time creative writer. Now that we have cleared that up, we can further engage.

As a child I always wanted to become a writer.  The first poem I ever wrote was published in the local Vindicator Mini Page.  This was our local newspaper in Youngstown, OH.  The second poem I ever wrote was highly regarded by my teacher and I was asked to read it at an annual Dr Martin Luther King Jr. day luncheon.  Those two instances help set the stage for me to embrace my gifts and talents as a writer.  Unfortunately, life happens and often your God-given gifts and talents are thrust to the back of your life’s shelves!

Fast forward my life to 2006 when I sat at my computer and wrote the “The Yellow Legacies”. It took a little under one year to write and seven years to publish.  All situations are real, however, all dialogue is made-up.  All situations can be verified and some are even by public record.  I came up with the idea of writing my novel of short stories after watching the play “Martin and Malcolm”. It is a play about what happened when they met for that one and only time.  No other entity was ever allowed in the room.  So they were the only one’s who will know the real conversation.  The writer and director decided to make-up all the dialogue because nobody ever knew what was really said.  I found this fact fascinating.  

I was so excited after it was done I decided to share it with my family.  With the one copy I had on hand, I passed it around.  They were very entertained.  Some even complimented me and said I had a talent for writing. One family member even said, "You all must admit out of all the stories my character seems the most interesting" as we all laughed and agreed.  Now, fast forward to January 2013 when I became an official published author. Most family are now upset.  I am so disappointed and confused. It saddens me that my gift upset people.  I am doing writing workshops for teenagers and holding self-esteem and poetry workshops to help young women who are hurting. This is also setting the stage for my “Purple Legacies Foundation” which helps young women to write and share their gifts and talents. "The Purple Legacies", is also my second book’s title going to print in 90 days.

The only thing I ever wanted to do was to encourage my young women who I mentored for years, that no matter what you go through in life, you can truly overcome any and everything. You can fulfill your dreams and become whatever you want no matter what obstacle you have in front of you.  My former clients email and call me all the time and inform me of how proud they are for my first book.   My gift has brought me a lot of joy knowing that I can help young women believe they can achieve.  As for my family all I can say is, “I’m sorry for the distress you say this has caused you.  I am not sorry for using my gift. I love you all and always will! Peace and Blessings to you and all your future endeavors always!”

With Love and Sincerity,
 Danica